"D-Daddy?" I cried softly, feeling like a lost little girl. I had walked into the room and my mother was collapsed near my father's bedside. My dad looked lifeless, old and fragile. I had never seen him look anything like this, and it scared me to no end. I began to shake as tears cascaded down my face.

"Daddy?" I cried again, taking a step closer and touching his hand, "Daddy? You need to wake up. Momma's here, so are all your kids. Julia, Paige, Scott, Chase and I. We're all here for you Daddy, but you need to wake up, please..."

There was no response whatsoever. The only noise in the room was my mothers agonizing sobs.

I looked down and over at my mom. She wasn't just crying from sadness, she was sobbing out of pure agony. The feeling of complete and total loss was apparent in her cries. Her heart was breaking and she was letting it be known to everyone. I really couldn't say that she was in the wrong for doing that, though. She had been with my father for nearly 55 years, that's over half a century. She gave all of her heart to my father just like he gave all of his to her, and everyone knew the moment his stopped beating, hers would shatter.

I knew I couldn't say anything, so I just stood there and squoze my moms shoulder, but that simply seemed to make her cry harder, which I didn't think was possible. I sighed and took a step back, running my hands through my hair and attempting to compose myself enough to go out of the room so other members of my family could come in and see our father. However, the nurse seemed to have a different idea.

I open the door to leave and the nurse shuffles in my husband, Todd, Layton and my younger brother Scott.



"I brought you all in here because you all live in Mr. Stephens household, yes?" The nurse asked as she leaned up against the desk.

"Yes ma'am." I replied in a shaky tone. I didn't like the way she looked at us. Her eyes were sad and very dim, but full of sympathy, signaling that whatever news she had for us was not good.

"I hate to inform you that from the test results that we have received, we see that Mr. Stephens has lost nearly 3/4 of his brain. With so much loss, it's surprising that he's still breathing. If we were to do a surgery to remove the blood clot, you'd very well be left with a vegetable on your hands, and that's if he woke up from the anesthesia. Currently, Mr. Stephens survival is in question. Dr. Richards doesn't think he'll survive another three days. I would suggest that all of you get your goodbyes in."

We all sat there in silence, stunned. No one had any idea what to say. Mom, who had quieted down while the nurse spoke once again erupted into intense sobs, laying her arms over my father and crying loudly, begging him to stay, to come back. It was painful to watch.

I looked over at the nurse who was looking at my mom with a sympathetic expression and cleared my throat to get her attention. "Thank you for letting us know. It might be helpful if you went and told the rest of the family what our father's current outcome may be. They all need to know as well."

She simply offered us all a weak smile and nodded softly as she left the room. The door fell closed with a click and we all stood in the room in silence.



The first thing to break the silence was my youngest son Todd.

"Momma?" He asked, looking up at me, "Did the nurse just basically say that Grandpa is gonna die?"

"Todd!" Layton shouted over at his brother, "You're a dummy! You don't just ask things like that."

"Well I wanna know!" Todd pouted at his older brother.

I looked down at the both of them and shook my head. "First, Layton, be nicer to Todd, he actually wants an answer to that question. He didn't understand what was said so he asked, and that's okay. Second, Yes, Todd, that's basically what the nurse just said."

Todd nodded, now having his answer. Layton sat on the floor and looked over at his younger brother and let out a bit of a sigh.

No one said anything else for a good five or six minutes. Everyone in the room was reflecting on what may happen to my father, and how my mom was going to cope.

I wrapped my arms around Clifford and before I could contain it, I simply started to cry into my husbands shoulder. He tried to soothe me, but that was nearly impossible, because after I started to cry I was crying almost as hard as my mother, which in turn made both my boys to start crying as well.

My brother was trying to make sure he didn't cry too, he wanted to be strong but this was our dad and not getting worked up over this was impossible.

After an hour or so, we all had managed to say our goodbyes to my father and we left the room to give my other siblings a chance to say goodbye. The only person who was constantly in that room and refused to leave was my mom.

Mom didn't leave my fathers side until he passed away, and she only left then because the doctors pulled her off of him.



"Time passes by so quickly
But I guess I thought you'd be here forever."


When my dad's funeral came I was flooded with childhood memories. On the days he had off dad would take one of the kids down to the park or wherever they wanted to go and he would spend time with just one of us. He went in order of the oldest to the youngest child. When my turn came around, I was always so excited. I always loved going to the park, and my daddy would push me on the swing so high I could swear if I reached out I could touch one of the clouds in the sky. It was wonderful. I'd swing and talk to him and it was fun to be able to spend some one on one time with my dad.

"I never even had a chance
To say goodbye
There's so many things to tell you
Left unsaid until now."



"Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Do the words I say ever make it through?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I knew."



"Every night I have the same dream
The one where you get to hold me
We laugh and talk until the morning
And then you vanish, yeah
It always leaves me feeling helpless
When I wake up and you're not there."



"Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Do you know how much I'd love to be with you?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew."



"Living in this world without you
I constantly search through my memories
Hoping that I find some treasures
That I passed over,yeah
All that I took for granted
Means so much now and I won't let it go."



"Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I never said some things that I meant to
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew."



"You know I never said some things that I meant to
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
'Cause I'd give anything if I just knew."



"I miss you Daddy."



I stayed outside next to my father's fresh grave for a long time. Clifford didn't leave my side, he just held me while I let myself cry. The funeral had been hard, everyone saying some final words for my father, praising his career and how he did well in managing being a great father and superstar athlete. None of that made it better though, no one said anything that could fix the pain. He was still dead. He was still gone and there was nothing anyone there could do about it or could have done about it.

Nearly the moment the last person left the funeral, my mother went inside and into her room. Scott came out a few times to tell me that he hadn't been able to get her to come out, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do anything either. The boys kept themselves quietly entertained and Scott tended to Tori while I was outside with Clifford.

Clifford knew better than to talk. He knew I needed it to be quiet, so all he did was hold me and rub small circles on my back, in attempt to calm me down. It did after awhile, but I'm not sure if I had actually been calmed down or if I simply ran out of tears. The first option doesn't sound as depressing, so I'll let myself think that he actually calmed me down.

After about 30 minutes of standing there without crying, I went back inside. The rest of the evening was hard but I went about my usual evening activities such as playing and attempting to get some sort of learning into little miss Tori, checking the boys homework and it was my night to prepare dinner.

By the end of the night, I was worn out and exhausted. Scott mentioned that mom had not come out of her room all day and I promised that I'd speak with her in the morning.



On my way to go to her room the next morning, I actually ran into her as she was walking out into the kitchen.

"Hey, Momma, how're you holding up?"

"How am I holding up?" She asked quizzically, with a slightly annoyed edge.

"Yeah."

"How do you think I'm holding up, Nat?" She asked with tears in her eyes, "The love of my life and partner for the last 55 years just died. I'm doing absolutely terrible! I have no idea how to hold myself together and I'm not sure if I even want to right now! I'm angry and sad and I wish he was still alive but there's nothing I can do to bring him back. I'm completely heartbroken and this all doesn't feel real and I'm hoping this is simply a nightmare and that I'm gonna wake up. But I waited all night last night to wake up, and guess what, I didn't wake up. I'm miserable."

My mom looked so defeated by the time she finished speaking, and I had tears in my eyes as well. I wrapped my arms around my mom and gave her a tight hug. "I'm sorry Momma. I didn't mean to upset you so much. Do you wanna sit down? I was just about to go make some tea and you could have some with me."

Mom looked over at me and sighed, "Tea would be lovely. I'm sorry for snapping at you Natalie. You didn't deserve that. I'm just very upset right now."

"It's fine mom, I understand. Now go sit down on the couch while I go fix us some tea."


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(AN: The song that I used in this chapter is called "Can You Hear Me" by Ashley Gearing, and you can listen to it here. )