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Refer - Non-Binary Pronouns

by NeonOcean Posted 28th Aug 2020 at 9:56 PM - Updated 7th Sep 2020 at 9:18 PM by NeonOcean
60 Comments / replies (Who?) - 11 Feedback Posts
Refer may or may not work on mac computers. If you play on a mac computer, please report whether or not this mod is working for you.

Refer is a mod that allows sims to finally be talked about with pronouns that match their gender identity. Gender non-conforming sims can now easily change their preferred pronouns, sims can swap between the "male" and "female" pronouns, switch to using they / them, or select a "neopronoun" to be called by.

Check out Cycle - Menstruation And Fertility
Cycle adds menstruation and woohoo risk as problems your sims must deal with.

Note: This mod currently only works if your using the English version of the game.
Visit the issues section for important information!

v1.0.1 Changes (September 1, 2020)
Fixed an issue that can occur when another mod uses the gender tag in a weird way I've never seen before.

  • Easily change any sim's preferred pronouns at any time
  • Select from 5 possible non-binary pronoun sets, including 4 of the most common "neopronouns"

I don't know a lot about gender neutral pronouns beyond what I learned while doing research for this mod. Tell me if I've done something wrong while creating this mod.

Unsolvable problems

These issues exist because they would be very difficult or even impossible to fix.
  • They / Them Pronoun Issues
    • "She's" and "he's" does not have a direct replacement for they / them pronouns. Both "they're" and "they've" work in different cases and its not really feasible for this mod to automatically detect when to use which. The only way I could fix this issue was to manually set which to use for each case. This means that Refer will ignore any instances of "she's" and "he's" that may occur in other mods not explicitly supported.
    • Using they / them pronoun may result in grammatically incorrect sentences in a few cases. There isn't any real way to rewrite the sentences on the fly or even detect if using they or them is grammatically incorrect. I recommend using a "neopronoun" instead if you really want to avoid this issue.
  • General Issues
    • The game will occasionally use your sim's pronouns to refer to sims that don't actually exist in the world. For example, the game may make up a fake co-worker in the situational "should your sim do x or should they do y" dialogs and refer to them in the same way they do your sim.

Questions and Answers

Q: Can I install this mod without having to start a new game?
A: Yes! You should be able to install this mod at any point in your play-through without issue.

Q: How easy is it to remove this mod? Will uninstalling it break my save game?
A: This mod can be easily removed by deleting all its files or using the mod's included uninstaller. Removing this mod mid play-through should cause no issues.

Q: Will this mod increase my load time a lot?
A: This mod may add a few seconds (or longer depending on how bad your computer is) when a save is first loaded as we need to find all to localization text in the game. Thankfully, we save what we found so subsequent first loads will not take as long. When ever the game updates, this load time increase may appear again as we will likely need to check for new text.

Q: How do I change my sim's preferred pronouns?
A: Click any sim and go to NeonOcean > Refer > Pronoun Settings. Select the "Pronouns" option in the dialog that appears to choose the sim's preferred pronouns.

Q: Will you add in a way for gender non-conforming sims to ask others to use their preferred pronouns?
A: I might add in a simple interaction to allow this but it wouldn't affect whether or not others use your sim's pronouns as there is no real way to determine who's talking. Just think of the sims world as one in which even your worst enemy respects your pronouns and everyone can use telepathy to determine what your preferred pronouns are.

Q: A set of pronouns I want my sim to use isn't in this mod, is there any way for me to add them?
A: Right now, there is no way for you to add in a custom pronoun set. But I do plan to add in a way soon.

Q: Can I make a translation so this mod can work for another language?
A: In order to make this work in both languages you will have to write Python code. If you don't know how to do that, then it's not going to work out.

Q: Does this mod work for other mods?
A: Refer should be able to correct your sim's pronouns in all other mods most of the time.

Mod Links

Documentation -
Sources Repository -

You must have the expansion or stuff packs listed below installed to use this custom content. Please see the post text for any exceptions.

Sims 4
Key: - File was updated after upload was posted
Filename - Tip: You can click the magnifying glass to see the archive contents Size Downloads Date

Size: 277.4 KB · Downloads: 4,050 · 1st Sep 2020
277.4 KB 4,050 1st Sep 2020
Don't forget to Thank the creator after downloading! Use the Thanks button located above the screenshots above.
Basic Download and Install Instructions:

1. Download: Click the download link to save the .rar or .zip file(s) to your computer.

2. Extract: Use 7zip (recommended), WinRAR (Windows) or Stuffit (OS X) to extract the file(s) from the .rar or .zip file(s). OS X also has a built-in utility for that (just rightclick).

3. Start The Sims 4 and get to the main menu, Press the ESC key and navigate to "Options" and from there to "Other". If it is not already,
enable "Enable Custom Content and Mods" and "Script Mods Allowed" then quit the game.

Go to your document's folder then to the folder "Electronic Arts" to, "The Sims 4" and then "Mods". If your mods folder does not exist create a new one. Copy the contents of the downloaded zip file in into your mods folder.

Need more information?
60 Comments / Replies (Who?) - 34 Feedback Posts, 23 Thanks Posts
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Test Subject
#51 Old 21st Sep 2020 at 5:15 AM
It's not working for me for some reason... I am able to select the desired pronoun (she/her), but the game is still referring to my sim as he/him. Then I restarted the game to see if it'd fix it, but after a reset it just set it to default again. hmm.
Test Subject
Original Poster
#52 Old 23rd Sep 2020 at 6:53 PM
Originally Posted by smadak
It's not working for me for some reason... I am able to select the desired pronoun (she/her), but the game is still referring to my sim as he/him. Then I restarted the game to see if it'd fix it, but after a reset it just set it to default again. hmm.

Are you running the mac version of the game? The pronoun choice you selected will be forgotten if you don't save the game.
Test Subject
#53 Old 1st Oct 2020 at 1:30 AM
So I'm having an issue with the mod. The option wont show even though I have the file into my mod folder and mods being activated.
Test Subject
Original Poster
#54 Old 3rd Oct 2020 at 9:16 PM
Originally Posted by cherubby
So I'm having an issue with the mod. The option wont show even though I have the file into my mod folder and mods being activated.

What option, you mean the interactions? It could be that you installed the mod wrong. Make sure all the mod files stay together and are located no more than one folder deep into your mods folder.
Test Subject
#55 Old 21st Oct 2020 at 2:03 PM
could you please move the mod menu to the back of the sim pie menu, or enable an option to turn it on/off through the cheat menu? it's kind of in the way in the first menu when you really only use it once. thanks!

I mod under the name magneticsouth. Links to my mods are in my profile!
Test Subject
#56 Old 26th Oct 2020 at 8:35 PM
This is perfect to use with PimpMySims4's LGBT mod. Thank you!
Test Subject
#57 Old 1st Nov 2020 at 9:54 AM
I love this mod so much! I want it to always be in my game because I know that I can just change the pronouns on buffs in my head as I read them, but it seems to take something away from the experience of playing and this mod fixes that! However, I'm getting a last exception notice every time I enter this mod into my game. It doesn't happen immediately, but it does occur randomly as I play. Are there any known mods that it conflicts with?
Test Subject
#58 Old 6th Nov 2020 at 3:01 AM
Very nice! I suggest making a way for people to make custom pronouns via editing a base xml file or something, so you don't have to make a bunch of custom neopronouns, given how many there are. I imagine it wouldn't be that difficult to do, but I'm not very well educated in how modding works, so I could be wrong. An idea, nonetheless!
Test Subject
#59 Old 11th Nov 2020 at 3:34 AM
Does this mod still work with the new patch?
Test Subject
#60 Old 19th Nov 2020 at 4:25 AM
Great mod and I'm so appreciative that you made it! Small issue, might be my fault: it doesn't seem to affect the text of moodlets at all. It's working fine for popups and hovers over interactions etc, but moodlets still use the Sim's original pronouns. Again, thanks so much for making this!
Test Subject
#61 Old Yesterday at 5:16 PM
Hi, I am getting an LE

Last Module Called:
Last Function Called: Flush
Error message: [NeonOcean.S4.Main.Loading] Failed to unload the mod 'NeonOcean.S4.Refer'. (AttributeError: 'NoneType' object has no attribute 'is_alive')
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