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Mad Poster
Original Poster
#1 Old 11th Dec 2014 at 10:02 PM
Default Family Dysfunctions (That means you.)
In realizing that a real-life example of a family that matches the Camdens on the old show 7th Heaven is a fallacy cooked up by writers to say "Any family who is not upstanding is to be eradicated for abnormalities", In my opinion of this perceived atmosphere, it hurts me to say to such writers that skeletons in the closet are normal. My family has enough to make the biology department of the Big Ten universities file a report of a massive theft of all their bones.

My father is a man with a troubled past as the eldest of the second half of 8 kids. Grandma, in life, was playing favorites with him, but he was kicked out of Boy Scout before turning 13 for smoking cigarettes and his older brother, my uncle Bill, was caught drinking and was part of a beer run with the scoutmaster's Buick (Bill was brought along due to his premature male pattern baldness tricking the liquor store clerk into thinking he was of drinking age.). Needless to say, although Uncle Bill was punished, my father got away with murder and degenerated to using various drugs, but his mainstay was marijuana. His best friend was a dealer and pastor's son who went by the alias of "Panama Ned" (he was a redhead and Panama Red, a varietal, is red-orange in color). However, there was a raid and at last headcount, Ned had been spirited away into the Oregon woods. Dad wasn't only a drug user, his sense of humor was offensive if read a certain way, like making innuendos out of innocent phrase. (I, his daughter, tempts men with salacious-sounding job sentences involving that person,) What made relations between the public and him worst was his ability to read people's mind with accuracy. I cannot confirm nor deny my father is some sort of psychic, but my family on his side have abilities some could classify as such.

My mother is very aversive towards drinkers, mainly because her dad and stepdad drank. I was the mediator between my parents when I caught my dad drinking. My mother was upset when dad started binge drinking and eventually took him to rehab (he escaped a few days later, complaining of the heroin junkies around my age) and then a big misunderstanding and I was able to bond with my mother and eventually, the divorce they had in the works was called off along with the move to another town. (We're stuck paying the mortgage to our house,) My mom has bad habits of serial returns, feeding into the house's bread addiction and leaving Christmas lights up year-round and we justify this HOA violation by saying our neighbors behind us get away with pouring concrete slabs without permission, turning their yard into a volleyball court against regulations and although the neighbors on our left built a fence to keep their children from falling out of their yard, it violated permission between them and my father, who is a really good gardener and the fence blocked the light at that angle. You wouldn't imagine the size of the moss killer compound container.

My parents are the type to feed into their madness.

I am not as lucky. With my orientation of pansexual (I love men, women and all points in between. If you're any of the aforementioned, say hi to me and I'll see where it will lead), my ability to see up to 10 years into the future and having enough mental syndromes, disorders and complexes to fill a book, I'm this freaking genius of a hedonistic woman who'd enter a room on a Recamier with robotic legs as no one will carry me and I have seen the advances in robotics taking note of cats. If I wanted a laugh, I'd have someone cover my stomach in warm white chocolate. Truthfully, I can only dream of such decadence as I am stuck on government money and I had only one partner in the game of love and he was lousy. I am dissatisfied with my status and can't help complaining about how I screwed up. I recently admitted to my therapist about my fantasy of the famed members of Guns N' Roses and comedian\drummer Dana Carvey in the nude. I even exploited my father with this mental image for him being such a jerk. Sadly, when I thought I broke his brain, he then reassures me that I need to grow up on my own...Part of my mental problems is I have the socio-emotional status of a 13-year-old girl.

Then, there's Grandpa Ernie. My only surviving grandparent as of 12.11.2014. He's got a sharp tongue. He's got a more highbrow sense of humor than my parents, using any and every word in the English Dictionaries published in the US to bring the house down. He'd find cartoons with puns to be fodder for his next match. So I better not show him that episode of "The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack", he could incite a riot with such nonsense. He actually did start the tradition of lingual supremacy battles every night at dinner. Whoever could out-pun the others wins. He was a military man who married a woman whose legs filled the shape of knee-high stockings (My grandma was Miss Knee-High 1956). They had 8 kids whose various traits would show up in their first granddaughter born through their 5th child or 3rd son (there was an even split in gender).

In short, my family is worthy of a giant book of the psychosis within Catholic family dynamics.

Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)

(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)
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Top Secret Researcher
#2 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 3:49 AM Last edited by Nymphetamine : 12th Dec 2014 at 4:45 PM. Reason: Tired typing fail.
Uh. Well. Don't think I can top that. Don't really want to air family laundry on here. Basically everyone's family has quirks. Secrets. Habits. But it's family and you make due, for the sake of politeness .. or sanity.
Forum Resident
#3 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 4:52 AM
That makes my paternal family's boastful claims of being distantly related to old Chinese emperors seem minor in comparison.

Avatar model: Shi Gaik Lan / Atroxia "Jade Orchid" Lion (Source: Dynasty Warriors 8 Empires).
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Test Subject
#4 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 5:30 AM
the only dysfunction i will share is my mom was raped and she chose to keep me and love me shes like my best friend, my step dad later married my mom and is like my real dad he is awesome, he had a rough patch with alcohol when i was younger parent got seperated but he got help and they came back and everything is cool now.
Scholar
#5 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 9:06 AM
Well I don't have anything quite that interesting to share, but almost everyone in my family has some sort of mental illness (usually depression, bipolar of some type, and/or anxiety, though my maternal grandmother has schizophrenia). You'd think with all that we'd be a really weird bunch, and we are pretty weird I guess, but nobody's really gotten in trouble with the law or anything. My dad's side of the family had a lot of problems with incest from the 1600's, when they came to America, leading up to more modern times. I suppose it's kind of interesting that we're distantly related to Ben Franklin though, and my family was mentioned in Moby Dick by Herman Melville, as they used to be somewhat prominent whalers. There is also a museum about my dad's side of the family, and a library founded by a lady in the 1800's with my exact name (which is somewhat ironic considering I want to be a librarian myself).

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
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Mad Poster
#6 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 2:49 PM
I don't really have anything interesting to say. My families okay. My little brother is a bit of a shit sometimes but he's becoming a teenager so it's to be expected.

My Dad use to be a cheater, and I know he's cheated a few times in his relationship with his girlfriend (sorta a step-Mum to me) and I think that was one of the reasons my parents broke up, but he's an okay guy. I don't think he cheats anymore, I dunno.

His parents I dislike. I'm not sure why they dislike me, they just do. Even when we were little, the minute my cousin was born my side of the family just weren't important anymore. I remember my grandma taking me (5), my older sister (7) and my cousin (6) and possibly my other cousin (3? or 4) to McDonalds, and we all ordered a happy meal. Me and my sister got the same toy, but my cousin got a different toy and she wouldn't shut up about how his toy was better than ours. Like, why?. She does it with everything. She spent all day at my Mum's funeral boasting about how my cousin was in his second year at a crappy uni, whereas I showed her my form saying I had a scholarship at a much better uni. She didn't care. When my cousin's family moved further away, she made a big hassle about how she couldn't see her grandchildren anymore, and my Dad pointed out we haven't moved house - and did she come visit us? nope. She's never liked us. Never let us be part of her stupid viking reenactment things but yet my cousins spend every weekend prancing around a field with a sword in hand, never buys us anything for our birthdays and the gifts she buys us for Christmas - well - you can tell she puts no effort in at all. We get either £5 or some off-brand bath stuff which she should know I'm allergic to. As I recall, for my 19th birthday - my boyfriend's grandma (whom I've never met) gave me a card and money, she didn't. She adds my cousin's girlfriends who he goes out with for a few months on facebook but hasn't ever bothered adding my boyfriend who I live with, I don't think she could even tell you his name. My Grandpa is just an absent void in my life. I've walked past him on the street and he's not even recognized me.

Which is sad, because despite all this I constantly work my ass off to do better than my cousin just for some form of attention from them, and I never get it. So I just push myself more and more through college and University and probably med school, even though I don't even want a career. I want to be a Mother, but the minute I get pregnant I bet she'd spit all over that like "Look at her, she's got pregnant at 20-whatever, She'll probably do nothing with her life" even if I'm like rich and have a good career and a big house or whatever.
In a way, I don't think I'll ever be happy because of it, and it worries me.

Then there's my step-Dad, but in short: He acts like a 12 year old with his responsibilities and favourites one of his children. I ranted in the vent thread a while ago, so I can't be bothered to again.

~Your friendly neighborhood ginge
Theorist
#7 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 8:04 PM
My mom claims to have been flirted with by astronaut Neil Armstrong when he visited Taiwan sometime in the 1960s.
My mom liked pictures of naked women which, as a little kid, I found weird. Caught my dad bringing home a Penthouse in a brown paper sack and give it to my mom to look through.
My mom also kept the centerfolds of naked women taped to the inside of her bedroom closet wall, which I discovered one day when I went snooping.
My mom cheated on my dad with my karate instructor. Not sure when it started, but I was 10 when I (and my dad) found out. Then they divorced.
My mom shoplifted some makeup product when I was 12. Can't remember what. She got caught, and she sat us kids down and explained what she did and how it was wrong, and that it was the one and only time.
My mom cheated on my step-dad about 8yrs ago and divorced him. I was really upset about that, I loved my step-dad.

One of my sisters was a popular cheerleader and had boys spending the night with her in her bedroom when she was a teen.
My other sister's husband cheated on her and left her for another woman when she was in her late 20s.

I found a porn DVD at my dad's house like 5yrs ago.

That's pretty much all I know of. My mom is apparently the most exciting person in my immediate family.

Resident wet blanket.
Mad Poster
#8 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 9:38 PM
I spent about five odd years pretending my mother didn't exist. I was once upon a time determined that I'd never let her back in my life ever again, going as far as deciding that if I ever got married/had kids, she was not to even be told about it, let alone allowed to participate at all. We're back in touch now, have been for...not sure how long now, but several years, though we don't speak very often in the slightest. I haven't spoken to my maternal grandparents once ever since my grandpa sent me a vitriolic judgemental email calling me all sorts of lovely names after I ran away. But frankly that suits me fine, the old man is a fucking creep. Friends milder opinions of him are simply "gross". Friends more extreme opinions go as far as paedophilic or not to be trusted at all. So. Yeah. I can handle not having him in my life anymore!
Inventor
#9 Old 12th Dec 2014 at 11:12 PM
all i'll say is, my mother hates me, she always has, is friends with me on facebook, but the only time she ever speaks to me, is when she wants something. last time she spoke to me, she banged on about a baby photo of my sister (I don't have it), and my sister didn't say anything. I haven't spoken to my dad for about 20 years (I got pregnant at 19 and refused to have an abortion). so, now I'm friends with my son on facebook, and he tells me what he's up to and how granddad's doing. and I've since found out I have mild autism.

'You're a pretty pair of babies, playing with your live doll' Mrs Higgins, My fair Lady
 
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