Updated 7/30! Everything Changes: Working Towards Change (Part 9.2)

** This story is set to explore losses, depression, substance abuse, and recovery process. It will be told through the eyes of a child, so will not have DIRECT explanations of any of these things, but an adult reader should be able to understand the references. **

Mommy had had a grand childhood. Her mommy, my Granny had pictures of her growing up still hanging up on her walls because she had always been so proud of her. Mommy was very pretty when she was young. She still is though. Most of Granny’s pictures also had my daddy in them when he was young too.



Mommy and daddy were neighbors growing up. They had been friends ever since they were little and Granny says they never spent a day apart. She says they were sweethearts in high school too. They graduated the same year and mommy had applied to go to some big college out east. She wanted to be a doctor. My daddy just kept on working at the car shop fixing cars. Mommy never got to go to that big college though. That summer, she found out she was pregnant with me.



Mommy would only have been able to be in school a few months before she would have had me, so she stayed here and she and daddy got an apartment together. Mommy took a few classes at the college here, but didn’t ever finish cause she got pretty sick before she had me. The doctors told her that she was working too hard and she needed to take a break or get sicker. She was so busy with going to school and trying to work that it was making her too tired. So, she just had to stay home and stay in bed for a while. She and daddy did end up getting married a couple months before I was born though.



I was born in the beginning of March. March 13th, actually. Granny said that my mommy was so excited. Mommy was still a bit sad about not being able to go to that school, but Granny said that she was happy to just have me and daddy.



Mommy stayed home with me after I was born. Mommy taught me how to count and would read me stories. Some days, we would even dance together in the living room. I found some of mommy’s old picture albums of those times and mommy was so happy.



As much as I loved my mommy, Granny says I was always my daddy's girl. She says that it was my daddy that taught me all kinds of important things like how to walk and use the potty like a big girl. Whenever I was sad, it was always my daddy who made me smile.

Everything Changes: The Beginnings of Change (Part 2.1)

Mommy finally ended up going back to school after enough encouragement from daddy. She was so happy! She had waited for so long to be able to become a nurse. She had gone back to work when I finally started going back to school during the day, but then went to her classes in the evening. Daddy would pick me up from school and take me home with him when he got off of work.



Daddy still worked as a mechanic and would be so tired some days when he got off of work, but he knew that mommy was working even harder with school and a job, so he didn't mind it much. With mommy being gone so much to work and then school, daddy and I spent a lot of time together. I missed mommy not being home with us, but I loved getting to spend time with daddy.




Some days if I had a bad day at school or was missing mommy, daddy would understand and he would help me feel better. He would listen to what was making me sad and then would rub my back and tell me it would be okay. If it was nice outside, we'd sometimes even walk down the street to the ice cream store and get ice cream cones.



Daddy and I never got bored! First, when I got home, I had to do homework if I had any, and then, daddy always had some great idea. He taught me to be the best rock-paper-scissors player around. I got so good, daddy couldn't even beat me. Of course, I still think sometimes that he was just letting me win.



Some of our adventures would have made mommy SO MAD! But it was our secret. Some days we'd stand on the edge of the couch and pretend we were surfing. We'd watch the boys on the tv surfing and try to do the tricks they were doing. I almost fell off a few times, but daddy never did. I asked him once if he'd ever been surfing and he just laughed and shook his head.




After we'd had enough of "surfing" we'd pretend to be acrobats. Sometimes we'd be walking the tight-rope high above the cheering crowds. Other times, we'd be doing flips while bouncing on a huge trampoline. We had so much fun those days, me and daddy.





One day when mommy didn't have school after work, daddy told her he had a surprise. He had been offered a job as the branch manager at his work. He said that that meant he would be in charge of running the whole place! He said that the old manager had moved somewhere else to run a new store that was opening. This meant that daddy would be making alot more money, but it also meant that he would have to be at work more, probably, and that he wouldn't be able to be at home with me. It also meant that I would have to go to my granny's house after school on the days when no one was home. I didn't think that I would mind it...I love my granny after all.

Mommy was happy for daddy and his promotion. But mommy told daddy that SHE had a surprise for daddy too. Mommy was gonna have another baby! As happy as daddy was to tell mommy HIS news, daddy was even happier to hear MOMMY'S news. I was going to have a baby brother or sister! I was SO EXCITED! I don't think I had ever seen mommy or daddy any happier than I saw them that day. It seemed things were changing for all of us and finally working out. All mommy and daddy's hard work over the years was paying off.




Daddy and mommy talked about things that night and daddy told mommy he didn't want her to be working so hard. He said it wasn't good for her or the baby. Mommy talked to her boss at work and she was able to do most of her work from home on our computer. Mommy's classes at school changed after a few months and she got into some classes that she could work at home too. This meant that mommy would be the one at home when I got home from school. As much as I loved mommy, it wasn't the same. Mommy was still busy working when she was at home. Sometimes she was working on stuff for her job, and sometimes she was doing homework. She couldn't go on adventures with me like daddy used to. It made me sad, but I knew mommy couldn't help it.



Mommy's belly grew bigger and bigger. I told her she looked like she had swallowed a watermelon one day and we laughed. Daddy would get up each morning and after giving us our good morning kisses, he would pat her belly and say good morning to the baby.



He was getting excited for the baby to come. Mommy and daddy decided they didn't want to know if it was going to be a boy or girl. They wanted it to be a surprise for everyone when the baby was born. Even for them.



My birthday came and mommy took the day off from working on anything. She even let me stay home from school and we had a girls' day. She took me to get my hair cut and my ears pierced. She told me I was getting to be a big enough girl now that she thought I could get them done. I was turning 8. I was SO excited! We even went out and bought matching pink dresses, and a new pink shirt for daddy. Daddy didn't EVER wear pink, but I hoped he would to match me and mommy. Me and mommy spent the whole day out shopping and had a picnic at the park. We hadn't ever done anything like this before and I felt SO special! I just wished daddy could have been there. He said he wised he could, but he had to be at work because he had a lot to get done.



When we got home, I was surprised again! Daddy hadn't been at work for all day. He had been home working on my birthday stuff. There was a cake and balloons on the kitchen table....



...and a whole new purple playground set all set up in the yard. Mommy had kept me out all day while daddy had been putting everything together at home. They had even invited a few of my friends from school to come to my party and daddy and gone and picked them up.





We had fun playing games and playing on my new playground. Mommy said that she and daddy had been saving up for it for a long time. I think mommy and daddy even had fun. Daddy even wore his new pink shirt we bought for him, just for me!



The biggest surprise came at the end of the party. Daddy and mommy had gotten me an "Anella" doll. I had wanted one for so long and every time I saw the commercial on tv, I wished I had one. "Anella" was a ballerina doll that was life size (at least for me) and she danced!



Mommy pointed for me to look when daddy was coming back outside and when I saw her I almost screamed. Daddy knew how much I had wanted that doll for a long time. We used to sit and watch tv together some nights and he said he could tell how much I wanted one every time a commercial came on. He told mommy they had to get me one.



I couldn't believe how beautiful my new Anella doll was. Her hair was curly brown and pulled up into a high ponytail. She even had on a little bit of make-up and a little pink dance costume. I couldn't wait to play with her and I knew my friends wished that they had gotten an Anella dolly for their birthdays too.




After everyone left and we took my friends home, we finally went upstairs to watch Anella dance. She had her own ballet warm-up bar (that I could use too) and came with an extra costume, just for me. Daddy hooked her up to the bar and turned her on and she began dancing. She even talked and told you what each thing she was doing in her dance was called and how to do it.



After Anella got done with her dance, I put on my costume and tried it out. I listened to what she would say and then tried to do my best, but some of it was hard. Daddy told me that I just needed to practice some more and I would get better. I danced with Anella one time through and then mommy told me it was time for the "little ballerinas" to get to bed.



Mommy and daddy asked me if I had had a good birthday and I told them it was the best birthday ever. They tucked me in and we said our prayers together. Mommy and daddy kissed me good night and I closed my eyes. I remember waking up hearing the phone ringing downstairs and hearing my daddy talking, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. A couple minutes later, I heard him coming upstairs and heard him tell mommy that he had to go to work because something was wrong there and he needed to fix it. As he left their room, I called out to him and he came in and knelt by my bed. I asked him what happened and he said that the big machine that lifted up cars had broken and that he needed to go fix it before tomorrow. I told him thank you for all the birthday surprises and he kissed my forehead and told me he loved me and he'd see me in the morning.

*****

I remember waking up again because I could hear my mommy yelling downstairs. I got up and as I walked downstairs to see why she was yelling, I could tell she was crying. Mommy hung up the phone and fell down on the floor crying. I ran over to her and she grabbed me in her arms and held me tight. I asked her what was wrong and she told me, "It's daddy, baby. There was an accident at work and daddy got hurt."

The story's good so far. What happened to the dad?

Sooo cute and sad! What happened to the dad? WANT MOORE!

Everything Changes: The Beginnings of Change (Part 2.2)

I started to cry. Really hard. My daddy? Hurt?! Not my DADDY! I held onto mommy and we cried together. She told me it was going to be okay and I needed to be strong for my daddy now. But daddy could fix anything! How could he get hurt like that? It couldn't be my daddy!


“Go on upstairs baby and get you some clothes for school tomorrow. Mommy’s gonna take you over to granny’s house so I can go up to the hospital and see how daddy’s doing. Go on now, please…we need to hurry baby.” Mommy hugged me for a minute and then picked up the phone again.






I rubbed my eyes and went upstairs like mommy told me to get some clothes. Mommy called my granny and told her about my daddy. She told granny that daddy had gotten a call in the night to come to the shop because the big thing that picked up cars…mommy called it a hoist…had gotten stuck and the guys that daddy worked with couldn’t get it to bring a car back down after they fixed it. Mommy started crying again really hard and I heard her tell my granny that the “hoist” had fallen on top of daddy when they were trying to make it work again. Mommy said it crushed daddy’s tummy. She asked granny if I could come stay the night with her and granny must have said okay, cause mommy hung up and came running back upstairs.

“Got your things baby? We need to go!” Mommy grabbed my clothes and I got my school bag.

“Is daddy going to be okay mommy?” I asked her.

Mommy looked down at me and I could see she was really afraid. “Daddy’s hurt pretty bad baby…Just pray for him tonight, okay?” Mommy asked me and took my hand. I started to cry. I wanted her to carry me, but I knew she couldn’t because of the baby.



I got my Anella doll from off my bed and brought her with me. Mommy kissed me and told me everything would be okay. We got in the car and drove to granny’s house. Mommy gave me a big hug and told granny she would call her as soon as she knew anything.



Granny took my hand and I could see she looked worried too. She took me upstairs and let me sleep in her bed with her. She had made Anella a bed on the couch in her room and then put the phone next to the bed in case mommy called. Then, she lay down with me and patted my hair until I fell asleep. It reminded me of the way daddy used to play with my hair when I had nightmares and couldn’t sleep. I closed my eyes and prayed that my daddy would be okay.



The phone rang early in the morning. The sun was just barely starting to lighten things up outside. I could hear mommy crying through the phone. Granny kept telling mommy to calm down and tell her what was going on. All I could hear was mommy crying on the phone. Finally, she asked granny to bring me and come up to the hospital. She said she needed us there. Granny told her that we would be right there and told me to go get dressed while she called my school.



Mommy was asleep in the chair next to daddy's bed when we went into the room. There was a big bouquet of flowers on a table next to her that she had gotten for him. We had to put this foamy stuff on our hands before we went in. The nurses said that I could only stay in the room for 15 minutes and then I would have to come back out. Daddy was really hurt and they said that he needed as much rest as he could get.



It was scary to see my daddy in that bed hooked up to those machines. There was a pole with a little box on it right next to his pillow that kept flashing with numbers when daddy would breathe and when his heart would beat. Mommy woke up as soon as she heard the door shut and granny went over and hugged her.



Granny asked mommy how daddy was doing and mommy said that daddy might have to have more surgery on his stomach. The doctors did surgery on him last night when he first came in, but they told mommy that when that big metal thing fell, it broke some of the bones in daddy's tummy and one of them cut what mommy said was daddy's spleen. The doctors said they weren't going to take it out yet because they wanted to see if it would get better. My daddy has to be very careful though and can't move around because if he does and his spleen gets hurt worse, he could bleed to death. Mommy said that there were some other parts of daddy's stomach that were hurt too, like his lungs and his liver, so they were keeping a close eye on him. I walked over and kissed my daddy's cheek and told him I loved him, just as the nurse came in. She smiled at me and then turned to mommy. "If you'd like, I can take her down to the play area for you. There's nurses there that supervise the playroom and I'm sure she would do just fine with them."

I turned to mommy, "No, mommy, please...can't I just stay with daddy? Please!?" I didn't want to go with this strange lady and leave my daddy here when he wasn't doing very good.

Mommy shook her head, "I'm sorry baby, but right now, you can't. You can come back in a little while and see daddy again, okay? Take Anella with you sweetheart and go and play for a little while. Daddy's sleeping right now anyhow. I'll come and get you if he wakes up so you can see him. Okay?"

I could feel tears coming back into my eyes again, but I whispered okay and took Anella. The nurse told mommy where to find the playroom and then took me by the hand and started walking towards the door. Mommy got out of her chair and said that she'd walk down with us. I felt a little better having mommy come too, but I still didn't want to leave my daddy.

Everything Changes: The Beginnings of Change (Part 2.3)

The nurse opened the door to the playroom. There were a couple other girls who looked like they were about my age in there. One girl…who I found out was Clara was dancing with the nurse who was watching everyone. The room was really big. In the back were baby cribs, but it didn’t look like there were any in there. That part was closed off by glass so it wasn’t too loud for babies. There was also a desk back there for the nurse in charge. There was a big tv with a curved couch to watch movies and a bunch of toys and a dollhouse.



I sat down and started to play with the dollhouse and Anella played with me. I was so glad to have her for a friend. Even though she was just a dolly, I liked to pretend like she was a real girl just like me. We played with the little dollies in the house for a while. There was one in there that reminded me of my daddy cause he had brown hair just like my daddy did. It made me sad that I couldn’t be with him. But with Anella, I was okay. She always made me feel better because I knew she was something special from my daddy.



It was a long time later when mommy came in to get me. Me and Anella were playing a game with Clara. I could tell she had been crying really hard. I asked her if I could go see daddy now and she just shook her head. I could see there was another lady with her. Mommy took me by the hand and told the playroom nurse she was checking me out. The nurse said okay and we left the playroom. We went into a little room and mommy asked me to sit down. Granny was already in there waiting for us. Mommy and the other lady sat down and mommy took my hands.



“Sweetheart…” Mommy started to say, and I could see she was trying not to cry again. “Baby…I wish I…they had to take daddy back into surgery just a little while after you and Granny got here. He started to bleed again in his tummy. Remember how mommy told you he had to be really careful because of it?” Mommy was biting her lip.
“Yes, mommy.” I said. “Did the fix daddy mommy? Is he gonna be okay now?” I asked.
Tears started to run down mommy’s cheeks. “No baby…your daddy didn’t make it through. The doctors couldn’t make the bleeding to stop in time. Daddy passed away, sweetheart.” Mommy wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me so tight I couldn’t hardly breath. I fought against her. I wanted my daddy!


“NO!” I screamed. “Not my daddy! I want my daddy RIGHT NOW! Let me see him!” I yelled at my mommy and fought to get away from her. I didn’t want her, I wanted my daddy. Mommy held me tight though, even though I struggled to get away. Finally, I was crying so hard I gave up and just held onto mommy and we cried together. I couldn’t believe my daddy was gone. I’d never get to see him again, or have him hug me…we’d never have our special adventures together anymore. I cried and cried and mommy just held me. Granny and the other lady hugged mommy and me and I could see Granny was crying too.

The lady talked to me and told me what had happened to my daddy and told me what the doctors had done to try to help him get better. Then she talked to mommy and Granny and mommy had to fill out some papers.

I just sat in the chair. A few tears still were running down my cheeks, but I didn’t care. I didn’t really care about anything. I was mad that the nurse had made me leave my daddy and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I was angry that God took my daddy away from me. My daddy wasn’t a bad man. He shouldn’t have died. I just wanted to run out of the room.




Granny took us back to her house after the lady was done talking to mommy. I ran upstairs to one of Granny’s extra rooms and slammed the door and locked it. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me and didn’t want to see anyone. It was their fault for making me go! I wanted them to leave me alone. Everyone except Anella. I hugged her close to me and ended up falling asleep on the couch in the room.



Granny came in later when I was asleep and helped me change into my pajamas and covered me up. I was so tired I didn’t feel like fighting her. I just let her help me change and let her tuck me in. I had some horrible dreams that night about losing mommy and Granny too. I got up off the couch and took the blanket Granny had given me and found the room mommy was in. She was still awake when I went into the room. “Victoria,” mommy whispered when I walked into her room, “Baby, come here.” I snuggled up to mommy and could tell she had been awake because she had been crying. I cried too. I missed my daddy.

Everything Changes: The Beginnings of Change (Part 2.4)

The day of daddy’s funeral was horrible. Me, mommy, Granny and all of our family and friends were there. Anella too. I missed my daddy so much, but seeing those men burying my daddy made me hurt all over. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t keep in my tears.



Granny tried to comfort mommy, but nothing helped her. Granny knew what mommy was going through because she lost my grandpa before I was born. But grandpa and Granny weren’t young like mommy and daddy were and Granny wasn’t gonna have a baby. Granny rubbed mommy’s back while the pastor said a prayer over daddy before we all threw in our flowers. Mommy had taken me to get a special pink rose for daddy. I thought about the whole day that daddy was in the accident and started to feel like it was my fault. If Daddy hadn’t stayed at home to do my birthday stuff, then he could have been there during the day at work and maybe the machine wouldn’t have gotten broken. ‘Oh daddy, I’m so sorry!’ I wanted to scream. ‘Come back to me and mommy and the baby!’

The baby! Daddy was never going to see if the baby was a boy or girl. He’d never get to hold it, or go on adventures with them when they got bigger like we used to! I threw my rose on top of my daddy’s coffin and then covered my face with my hands and cried.



After daddy was buried, we planted a rose bush for him. Then, me and mommy and Granny just stood there by it for a while and prayed. It was going to be just me and mommy and the baby now. I was going to have to help mommy out around the house like daddy used to and do some of the things she can’t because of the baby. I would do it though. I’d do it for my daddy. I wanted him back so bad, but he was gone. Gone.



When it was finally time to leave the cemetary, mommy asked me and granny for a few minutes alone. Granny said for mommy to take her time. Mommy stood over the rose bush and held her tummy…held on to the baby. And she talked to daddy. I couldn’t hear her as me and granny walked away. Mommy’s heart was broken.



Mommy got really sick over the next few weeks. She couldn’t eat anything and when she did, she would throw it back up. She stayed in bed most of the day and I didn’t see her awake very much. We were staying with Granny, so Granny took care of me most of the time. Granny tried talking to mommy and telling her that she needed to take care of me too, but mommy just couldn’t get up. Granny took mommy to the hospital. Mommy’s eyes were dark and she looked really skinny, except for her belly. Granny was worried about the baby.



The doctor was really nice that checked out mommy. He talked to me and Anella when he came in the room. He said the babies were doing just fine, but said that they were going to need to keep mommy for a while because she needed to have an IV and they wanted to keep an eye on her. Granny was surprised when she heard the doctor say babies. There were three of them! This news made mommy cry again. Mommy asked the doctor if he was sure and he showed mommy the picture and there they were! Granny had teased mommy about how big her belly was for how far along she was, but mommy told her she only had one in there.



When the doctor left, mommy was so tired again. She held me for a few minutes and then asked me if I was doing okay. I told her I was and brushed her hair with my fingers..like daddy used to do. Mommy smiled and then closed her eyes. "Take a nap mommy, I'm still here," I whispered in her ear. Mommy finally fell back to sleep and I sat back in a chair next to her bed and watched tv. Granny watched it with me for a while, and then she fell asleep in a chair. That night when Granny was ready to leave, mommy asked me to stay up there with her. She talked to the nurses and they said it would be okay since mommy wasn't in a special room and really really sick.

I had never stayed in a hospital before, or at least not that I could remember. The nurses came in every couple hours to check on mommy and they made me a bed on a cot next to mommy's. My mommy needed me and I was going to do anything that I could to help her.

Everything Changes: The Trips (Part 2.5)

Mommy was in the hospital for two whole months...until she had the babies. I stayed with Granny during the week when I had to go to school, and then with mommy on the weekends. In the afternoons, Granny would take me to see Mommy at the hospital. Even as old as Granny was, she never complained about anything and did everything she could for us. I had really started to like spending time with Granny. It seemed like she and Anella were all I really had for a while.

Mommy wasn't really all that sick, but the doctors were scared because of all that had happened to us with daddy and everything, that mommy being so sad would make her have the babies too soon. They were born almost 7 weeks earlier than they should have been and had to be put into a special nursery because they were so small and had some problems. I had never seen such small babies before! Two boys and a little girl.



The oldest one we named Alexander Davis Goodall...after daddy's daddy....my grandpa...who died when I was 2 years old. Mommy said that she had loved him just like her own daddy. Xander was the biggest and didn't have to stay in the special nursery for too long. Granny and mommy could bring him out and hold him.

The little girl was second to be born and we named her Estel Grace Goodall. I remembered mommy telling me once that when she was a little girl, she had wished her mommy had named her Estel, just like some girl she saw in a movie. Mommy laughed for the first time in a long time when I suggested it. She hugged me and said she thought it was perfect.

The last of the "trips" to be born was the littlest. He had to have a lot of special care. He had an IV in his head and a feeding tube that gave him his milk because he wouldn't eat like he was supposed to. He also had to have oxygen to help him breathe. He was the special baby, and we gave him a special name. We named him Ethan Martin Goodall Jr. ...after my daddy.



Mommy had to stay in the hospital about a week after the "trips" were born, but then the doctors said she seemed to be doing okay and could be out. Mommy asked them if they had an extra room she could stay in until all the babies got to go home because she didn't want to leave them there and not be there with them.

They were doing better each day. Xander (as we called Alexander) was doing good and could come home when mommy got to come, so she kept him in the spare room they had set up for mommy. Estel was doing good too and got to go 2 days after Xander and mommy. "Junior" (as we called my littlest brother) was getting better too and got to go 10 days later. He was a fighter, just like our daddy and started eating and being able to breathe on his own.

The doctors had put mommy on some medicine to help her not feel so sad. The doctors said she was, "depressed". The medicines helped mommy to feel better and mommy seemed like she was feeling much better when we got to bring the babies home finally.

Mommy and Granny had talked when mommy was in the hospital and decided it would be best if we all stayed with Granny for a while. Mommy wanted to sell the house. She said that it had been ours when daddy was still alive and that she didn't want to be there without him. She said it would be too many memories. She said that she would take the money she got from it to pay for all the doctor bills she had now and then find someplace to start over again.



While Mommy was in the hospital, me and Granny went shopping and to garage sales. We made a nursery out of the big open room upstairs that went to the bedrooms. Granny had found some cribs and a changing table and painted them to make them nice again. She had even painted the room and bought some other things to make it look like a baby room. Mommy was so surprised when she saw it that I could see tears in her eyes again, but this time they were happy tears.

Everything Changes: Starting Over-Parker Place (Part 3.1)

Mommy, me, and the "trips" stayed with Granny for almost a year. Slowly, things started to get better. Mommy got our old house sold. A man and his wife had two little kids and they bought it. I never really had gotten to play on my new playground from my birthday that daddy had taken the time to put together for me. It made me sad, but at least I got to play on it with daddy and mommy before everything changed.

Mommy got enough money to pay for some of the hospital bills. She also got some money from the place that made the big machine that hurt daddy because there was something missing in the machine and that's why it got stuck. Mommy said something about the same thing happening at a couple other places, only, no one had died, only hurt.

Mommy was feeling better after a while and she went back to working. She kept her job during the day at the office, but had to quit school again to be able to take care of me and the "trips". I know it made her really sad because she wanted to be able to finish it finally. She said she would one day when the babies got older. For now, we needed her more.

Mommy also got another job too, working at Parker Place. Parker Place had a restaurant downstairs and a bowling alley, and then upstairs it had apartments. There were some other small stores inside too in the lower part. It was owned by Silas Parker, a guy mommy used to go to school with in high school. Mommy worked as a waitress there a few nights a week so she had some extra money.

One day mommy came home and said that she had found us a new place to live, so we wouldn't have to stay with Granny anymore. There was an open apartment at Parker Place and she had talked to Silas about us moving there. Granny was really sad to see us go, but mommy told her that she could come visit us any time. Mommy told Granny that she needed to get back "on her own two feet" again.

I didn't know what that meant cause mommy could walk just fine after she had the babies. I asked her one day if she had hurt her foot cause I heard what she told Granny. She laughed at me and then kissed my forehead. "No, baby. I didn't hurt my foot, silly. I just mean that I can't have your Granny taking care of us anymore. I need to be taking care of us. Your Granny's getting too old to be chasing after the "trips" all the time."

Mommy got some movers to come and pack up our things and then move them into our new apartment for us. She had sold most of our furniture when we moved in with Granny, so there wasn't really a whole lot of things to move. We just had boxes of clothes, dishes, decorations, and some bedding and stuff. Mommy went to a furniture store and got us some new furniture. I didn't get to go cause I was in school, but mommy told me it would be sent to the apartment the next day and then we would move there.

The next day at school I was scared and excited all at the same time. I had been by Parker Place a few times in the car and it looked huge! I couldn't imagine us living there! It also meant I was going to have to start riding the bus to school. I had never been on the bus before. Mommy, Daddy, or Granny had always taken me, or I would walk with my friends.

After school, mommy picked me up and we drove to our new apartment. Granny had helped mommy go and unpack all of our things while I was in school. I was shocked when mommy pulled up to the building. It was even bigger than I remembered! They had even put in some new pools and some play stuff outside, like swings and basketball hoops. We got out of the car and mommy took me out to explore.



There were two pools. One was a little one for kids and then there was a bigger one with slides in it. I had already taken swimming lessons, so mommy promised that she would take me swimming in the big pool and let me go down the slides. Next to the pools was a playground with swings, jungle gyms, monkey bars, and a merry-go-round. It almost reminded me of the ones I had gotten for my birthday last year, but bigger. At the back of the yard were basketball hoops and a big net for playing soccer. Behind the building were smaller yards that had fences all around them so that only the apartments with doors to them could go in.



After mommy showed me the playground, she took me inside. She took me inside the restaurant and showed me where she worked. I got to meet all the people that she worked with and go behind the bar and get myself a soda.



In one corner of the room, I could see a music station and mommy said that that's where Silas worked most of the time when he was there. He liked to be the "DJ". He was over there, and mommy asked me if I wanted to meet him. I shook my head no and buried my face in her side. She said okay and waved to Silas. He was waving his hand for us to come over, but mommy shook her head no. Silas frowned a bit as we walked by, then went back to playing his music. "He's not gonna hurt you, baby," mommy told me. He's the guy that owns this place. Mr. Parker. It's okay though if you don't. I'm sure we'll see him again soon enough."



Next, we went in to see the bowling alley. There were bright lights shining down on the shiny wooden floors. I had never been bowling before and mommy said we could come down and go bowling once we got all moved in and settled in. I watched some of the people playing and couldn't wait to try it too.



The last place down there was what mommy called a "spa". There were machines in there that people could use to exercise with and some lockers to put your stuff in. There were tables in there too, but it looked like someone had put holes in the tops. I asked mommy why someone would want tables with holes in them and mommy giggled. "Those are massage tables, Victoria," mommy told me. "People can come in here and lay down on them and then there are people that come in and will rub your muscles or your back if it's hurting." Hearing mommy talk about it, I remembered I had seen something like that on tv once.

Mommy pointed to the side of the room and I saw they had dance bars hung on the walls! I could bring Anella down here and we could practice ballet! Next to this, there were a couple of little pools that had steam coming off the top and the water was bubbling inside. I asked mommy if they were boiling water and she said that those were "hot-tubs". We watched as a woman slowly stepped inside the pool and sat down. "The water in the hot-tubs is pretty warm and the reason that the water is bubbly is because it sprays out of these little holes in the side of the pool," mommy explained.

When we left the "spa" mommy looked down at me. "There are a lot of people that come in and out of here Victoria," mommy told me, "I don't want you to ever leave the apartment without me, okay baby?"

"Yes, mommy," I promised, and then thought a minute. "What about if Granny or someone is with me?"

"Well, I just mean that you need to have a grown-up with you. There are some people around here that might not always be very nice, and I couldn't bear something happening to you." Mommy hugged me and then pushed the button to the elevator. Our apartment was on the third floor.



I didn't know what to expect when we got to our apartment. Mommy pushed in some buttons with numbers on them and the door unlocked. Mommy opened the door and stepped inside. We walked in and were in the livingroom. Mommy's desk was right by the door. There was another door, a glass door, in the front that opened out to a porch. It was kind of scary to stand out there because we were so far up. I liked being able to see so far out though. I think I could almost see Granny's!





There were two short walls in the livingroom that were between it and the kitchen. It was nice in there, but I didn't like the color of the walls. One part of the kitchen was plain and mommy had put the new table and chairs she had bought in there. Past the kitchen was hallway with another glass door and patio at the end. The bathroom and bedrooms were down the hallway too. The bedrooms were small, but mommy said we would have to make it work, at least for now.



I found my room. There were 2 beds in that there were almost like my old bed. Mommy told me that they could push together to make a big bed when I got older, but for now, I could keep them apart, in case I had a friend stay. I told her that it would be Anella's bed then, and she laughed. "Whatever you want, sweetheart."

I could tell mommy wanted me to like our new apartment, so I tried to be happy. She was doing the best she could, but it wasn't the same. At least when we stayed with Granny, it was like we were just visiting and would go home again soon. This place was lonely. It was our new home, and daddy wasn't with us.

I asked mommy if she would take me swimming. She told me she needed to keep working on getting things put away. Granny told me she would go down there with me though, if mommy didn't care, but she had to finish feeding Xander first. Mommy said that was fine, so I got changed into my swimming suit.

Anella was standing by my dresser, so I picked her up and sat her on the floor. She'd keep me company until Granny was ready.

*******************
Feel free to let me know what you think and comment! I've had the story and pictures for a while but was too busy with the holidays to get everything posted.

I hope that the style in which this is written makes sense. I'm trying to keep things from a child's perspective, though at times it's hard to keep all the wording simple and use a child's vocabulary.

Everything Changes: Starting Over-Silas Parker (Part 3.2)

It had been almost a full year since my daddy had died. We were doing okay. I brought home my first A+ report card from my new school. Mommy was so happy about it. I liked my new school and had a bunch of new friends. I even got to ride the school bus to school al by myself now!



Granny was there when I got home until Mommy would get off of work. Sometimes it was late when she got home and granny already had made us go to bed. Those nights she would go to sleep in my extra bed and Anella would sleep with me. When I got out of school, granny would let me stay downstairs for a little while and play some of the games. A few times she would have mommy come up just for a few minutes so she could take a break. Then, granny would come down with me and watch me play and cheer me on. Just like daddy would have done if he was here.


Mommy was feeling better too, even though sometimes she still got really sad and would cry. She tried not to let me see her, but sometimes when I would sneak out of my room at night to go sleep with mommy, she wouldn't be in her bed. She would be out in the livingroom, staring out the window, tears running down her cheeks.



One day on mommy's day off, she had let me go down and go swimming all by myself. She said I had to stay where she could see me through the window. I decided I should go back up and get Anella a little while after I was down there because there wasn't anyone else to play with. Mommy couldn't come down with me because the trips were sleepin and granny was home. When I opened our front door, there was a man sitting on the couch talking to mommy. When he heard the door open, I saw the man had turned his head to the side and I could see that it was Silas Parker.

"Honey, you remember mommy's friend Mr. Parker?" Mommy asked me. "I've asked him to come have dinner with us tonight. Can you say hello? Victoria?"



Now he wasn't just mommy's boss and the owner of our apartments, but he was mommy's new friend and was coming to dinner. I don't know why I was, but suddenly, I got really angry. Super angry. "NO!" I screamed, and ran to my room and slammed the door.



Why was mommy being so nice to him. All of her other bosses from her other job she didn't like. She never had them come over to eat with us. I didn't want that man here with us. If daddy couldn't be, then no one should. Just me and mommy. And the trips.

I was really missing my daddy tonight. Having Silas here reminded me of when daddy used to be with us and mommy would cook dinner for us. I started to cry. I cried harder than I had ever cried before. I cried for daddy, for mommy, for the trips and them never knowing our daddy. I just cried and cried until I eventually fell asleep. What I didn't know until later, was that mommy had been watching me through a crack in the door. I woke up late in the night and heard mommy crying.



I went into mommy's room and we held each other and cried. Then we talked about a few things. We talked about daddy and what happened and how much we missed him. We talked about the trips and how their 1 year birthday was coming up. That night was special for me and mommy. It was the first time since losing daddy that we had really talked together about our feelings. Mommy asked me if I was hungry since I missed dinner. I said I was and she got up and made me peanut butter and jelly with some milk. We didn't talk about what happened earlier that night though. After, we snuggled up in mommy's bed together and fell asleep.

Everything Changes: Starting Over-Silas Parker (Part 3.3)

Something happened to us that night. To me and to mommy. It was the last time that either of us cried about missing daddy for a long long time. We talked about Silas Parker and mommy asked me how come I had gotten so mad. I didn't really know and I told her that. She just hugged me.



Mommy kept on working at the clinic and downstairs. She still couldn't go back to school yet. The trips were still too little and it was getting harder for granny to keep up with taking care of them. Mommy seemed alot happier though. Silas was around alot more now too. He would come over and watch movies and sometimes he ate dinner with us. Mommy seemed happy whenever she was around Silas.



We had a birthday party for the trip's first birthday and Silas came too. They were growing so fast! Little Junior had started to pull himself up on the tables and Estel loved to color. Xander seemed to be the happiest and most playful. My birthday was a sad day for all of us. It had been a whole year since we lost daddy. I didn't think my birthday would ever be a happy day ever again. I got to stay home from school for the day because it was hard to remember last year. I told mommy I didn't want to have a party. We went and visited daddy's grave and took him flowers. Me and mommy spent the night together, just us and the trips and we went swimming down at the pool. The trips stayed with granny. Then, mommy made my favorite spaghetti for dinner and we watched a movie. We tried to have fun even with it marking a year since the accident. We didn't cry though. I think we had finally cried out all of our tears.



The days went by quickly and the trips kept getting bigger. They started to walk and even talk a little bit. Sometimes when I came home from school, they would all be asleep on the floor and granny would be asleep on the couch. She was getting tired alot now. Finally, mommy talked to Silas about working downstairs full time. Then she could be at home during the day in case granny needed anything. She could make enough money by doing that to be able to quit her clinic job. Silas said that would be alright. She was his best worker.



He was over more and more; almost every night. He started helping mommy out with the trips and would give them a bath sometimes to help mommy out.


I really didn't think he liked us too much though. And really not the trips. I asked him one day if he had any kids cause I never saw them, and he said no. He got mad sometimes when the trips would cry alot or if one of them threw up on him. I think he just did stuff with them to help mommy out and try to make her happy.



One night, mommy was supposed to be working late, so granny stayed the night with us. I was still awake when mommy came in the door. I heard her in the livingroom and was going to go out to her, but when I saw her, I stopped in the corner of the hallway. She didn't have on her work clothes, and Silas was with her. She had on a fancy black dress I hadn't ever seen before.


I stood watching in the hallway and they sat down on the couch together. I was getting angry again! Mommy lied to me and said she had to work. Just as I was getting ready to run back to me room, I saw Silas kiss her. I was shocked!

"NO!" I screamed, and Silas and mommy got up off the couch.

"Victoria, what on earth are you doing still awake?" mommy asked me.

"I thought you were working late!" I yelled back at her. Mommy had never lied to me.

"Victoria, come here. I think it's time we had a talk." Mommy said, lowering her eyes and turning to look at Silas.

Mommy explained that she had been out on a date with Silas. She said she wasn't sure how I would feel about her going out with Silas, so didn't want to upset me. She said granny was supposed to make sure I was in bed before she got home.

Mommy looked at Silas and then back to me. "Honey, Silas and I aren't just friends anymore...not friends like the kind that you have. I love Silas, Victoria. I know that's hard for you to understand, but..."

"What about daddy!" I cried. "I thought you loved daddy!"

"Victoria, I do love your daddy, and I always will. He will always have a special place in my heart for him. Afterall, he gave me four beautiful babies. But in order for mommy to feel better and not be sad about your daddy all the time, mommy has to move on and start getting to know some new people, make some new friends, and learn to love again. " Mommy was whispering by now, and she patted my head. "You understand that Victoria? It doesn't mean I don't love your daddy still. I do and will forever. But it doesn't mean I can't share my love with other people."

I thought I understood what mommy was saying, but I didn't know how she could love anyone else but daddy, even though he wasn't there.

Mommy took me in and tucked me into my bed. It was late and I fell asleep pretty quick. But before doing so, I promised myself that if mommy could like Silas, then so could I.

Everything Changes: Starting Over-Silas Parker (Part 3.4)

Since Silas had been around, we had gotten better. Mommy was happy, the trips seemed to love him, and I was slowly getting used to having him around. It wasn't so bad. He spent Christmas and the holidays with us. When my next birthday came, Silas took me and mommy on a fancy date.



I had never been to the restaurant before, but it was nice. I felt weird inside of there. Everyone was dressed up all fancy. Even the waiters and waitresses were dressed up in black and white. The called mommy "Ma'am" and Silas "Sir". They even called me "Miss".

We all sat and talked for a while while we waited for our food to get there. Silas asked me about school and my friends. Mommy just watched us and smiled.



"Victoria," Silas asked me. "What would you say about you and your mommy and the babies moving in with me to my big house?" I just stared at him.

"You mean...to your big house with the pool?" I had been to his house a couple times with mommy. It was huge and really fancy. I couldn't imagine us living there.



"We're just fine in our apartment." I told him. I looked up at mommy who wasn't smiling anymore. "Right mommy?"

Mommy frowned. "Victoria, why do you always have to make things difficult?"

"I'm not making things difficult, mommy. I just thought that you said things were better. That we had enough money now and everything was going okay. That's what you told granny isn't it?"

"Victoria, what Silas means is that we have talked and Silas would like it very much if we went to stay with him. There's no reason really for us to keep on at the apartment when we have Silas and he has a nice house with room for all of us. This way, some other nice family that needs a home can have our apartment."

I sat and thought about it. Silas's house was huge compared to our apartment. He had a pool and lots of rooms and gardens. I could have big sleepovers and....

Our food came as I was thinking. So, I looked at Mommy and said, "Ok, mommy. We can." And so it was, we were gonna be moving in with Silas.



Silas's house was huge! His gardens were perfect and were all around the house.





There was a big fountain in the front.



At the back of the house there were big stairways that went up to the balconies off the upstairs. And there was a hot tub. Silas hired moving people to help mommy get all of our things moved.



The next night, I was swimming in the big pool in our new house.



It seemed like our life was finally changing for the better, but I wouldn't know just how much moving in with Silas would change our lives. And definitely not for the better.

Everything Changes: It All Comes Crashing Down (Part 4)

And so it went...for 3 years. We lived with Silas and they were happy years, mostly.



The trips were growing so fast. Every day after I got home from school, I looked forward to playing with them.



Silas always seemed to have people at the house at night for dinner parties. The grown-ups would all go downstairs and play cards and have drinks. I had to stay upstairs with the trips. I knew Silas would get upset if we went down there. I had gone down there one night to see what mommy was doing and Silas told me I wasn't allowed downstairs. It was all smoky downstairs and smelled. I asked mommy later why it was like that and she said that something had burned in the oven down there.



I had made a new friend at school, Nori. Nori lived with her dad a few blocks away. She came over after school almost every day and would play until her dad called to have her come home. He was an attorney, so he had a lot of work that kept him always busy.



When the trips were napping and Nori wasn't over, Anella was always there to play with. I figured out that if I sat her at the piano and turned her on, it was almost like she was playing the piano. The first time I showed mommy, she laughed.



Mommy took to gardening. With all the flower gardens and the greenhouse, she always had plenty to do. She had told Silas when we moved in that she had always wanted to have a garden and so she would learn how to. She joined the local Gardening Guild and sometimes would have some of the other ladies from the guild over. Only on nights that Silas wasn't having his buddies over. Some nights, they had meeting nights and would all go out somewhere together. Silas said he thought it was silly to get so excited over gardening, but mommy loved it. Along with mommy's plants growing, so did her belly.



One night when the house was quiet and us kids were all in bed, I heard mommy and Silas talking in the kitchen. The had just come up from the basement where Silas had been shooting pool and having a few drinks. My room was right above the kitchen and I could hear them loud and clear. I think Silas had just come up from downstairs and mommy was making him something to eat.

"Silas...what do you mean I better do something about it!" Mommy raised her voice.

"You heard me, I said you better do something....and now! Before things just get worse. Before anyone else finds out. I TOLD you Martina, I don't WANT kids." Silas yelled back at her. "I won't be the father of a bastard child that I never even wanted in the first place! It's already hard enough to deal with the monsters you've already got, let alone add another one in the mix! So that's right! You'd better go get something done with it...And right damn quick! You hear me?!"

"Monsters!? My children are NOT monsters Silas Parker...You're the monster! And you don't have to worry about having another because I'm leaving! You hear me! I'm done with you! Go back downstairs and have your fun!" Mommy's voice lowered almost to a growl," And you had better be careful Silas, or there's gonna be a lot more than a child for people to find out about. I'm sure Officer Bartholomew would love to know about your little place downstairs."

I heard a plate shatter against the wall, followed by something else much softer and then mommy's muffled gasp.

"You EVER say a WORD about ANY of that and YOU will be the one to be sorry, trust me on that one, Martina."

There were loud footsteps leading to mommy and Silas's room and then the door slammed. I moved to the railing and looked out. Mommy was downstairs on the phone. I ran down there to her and grabbed ahold of her. "Ok mom, I'll see you in a bit. Please hurry!" Mmmy hung up the phone and looked down at me. I knew she was scared. "Victoria, go upstairs and grab your clothes. We're going to spend the night at granny's baby. I have to go get the trips."

Everything Changes: It All Comes Crashing Down (Part 4.2)

We stayed with Granny for the night. I don't think Mommy slept at all. She was too nervous. I think Silas had really scared her. I woke up several times in the night and mommy was awake. One time when I woke up, mommy was cleaning for granny. She said she knew that granny wasn't really able to take care of her whole house anymore, so she was going to suprise her.



The next time I woke up it was just getting to be daylight and Mommy was still up. She was reading through the newspaper, looking for a new house. She said she didn't want to have to stay with granny for too long. Then, all of a sudden, she tossed the newspaper on the floor and was on the computer. It was really strange to me. Mommy wasn't even crying like she usually would have when she and Silas had had a fight.

"Mommy, are you okay?" I asked her.

Mommy turned to me. "Of course I'm okay, hun," she nodded and then quickly turned back to the computer. "I just need to find us a house. Go back to bed Victoria, you have to be up in a couple hours for school."

I didn't want to go to school. I wanted to know what was going on. I was thirteen and I didn't want mommy to keep things from me. I was old enough to know what was going on.

"You know Nori's dad owns a house, mommy." I told her. Nori had told me about the weird people who had just moved out and left the house a mess. She hadn't been able to come over for a couple weeks cause she had been helping her dad clean the place up.

"Really?" Mommy asked me. I nodded. "I'll call Andy today. Now get back to bed Victoria. Please, I need some time to think."



And so it was. We made our final move. Nori's dad was going to let us rent the old house he owned. Since mommy wouldn't be working for Silas anymore, she wasn't going to be able to pay rent. So, mommy made a deal with Andy that she would clean and take care of getting the house back in order in exchange for us staying there until she got another job. I didn't know why she didn't want to just stay with granny, but she refused and seemed upset if I said anything about it.



Mommy worked for days to clean the house. Andy and Nori had done a lot, but it had been trashed. Andy let mommy pick out paint and she painted the whole inside. Still, it didn't seem like mommy hardly slept at all. Her eyes were dark and even though she cooked supper for us kids, she didn't hardly eat anything. After a few days of living in the new house, mommy was finally able to sleep. I think it was because she wasn't so scared of Silas anymore. She slept for a long time. For almost 2 entire days. She woke up a few times for a drink and stuff, but then she would go right back to sleep. I asked mommy if she wanted me to call Granny to come over, but mommy said no, not to bother granny. She asked me if I could take care of the trips until she was feeling better and I said I would. I didn't know if it was because of the new baby that mommy was so sick or if it was just everything that had been going on. She had gotten really sick with the trips, I remembered, and I didn't want mommy to have to go back to the hospital again. I would do anything.



Nori would come over after school and she helped me with the kids. I asked her please to not tell her daddy about my mommy being sick and she promised she wouldn't. I was worried about her, but prayed she'd get through. A few times when mommy woke up, I noticed that she was sweating, even though it was really cool in the house. She'd hold her head and say she just needed to lay down cause she had a headache, and then go right back to sleep again.

I worked on unpacking boxes and putting things away. I looked through everything for my Anella doll and couldn't find her anywhere. I didn't play with her anymore cause I was too old, but she was still special to me because my daddy had given her to me.

I called granny and she said she wasn't there either. Then it dawned on me. She must have been left at Silas's house! There's no way I could call him and ask him for her back because I couldn't stand to talk to him after the way he had treated us...and momma. He had never liked me having that doll in the first place because he knew that she was from my daddy and didn't like it when I said anything about him. I was crushed, but I had so many other things to worry about now.



The trips wondered what was wrong with mommy. I told them that she just had the flu. I hadn't remembered ever seeing mommy like this before, and I wasn't really sure about it myself.



The third day, mommy was up and around more. She said that she still had a headache but that she was feeling better. When I asked mommy what was really wrong with her, she said it was because she couldn't take her meds anymore because of the baby, so she was having "withdraws". I knew mommy hadn't always taken her meds like she was supposed to and had never seen her like this, but I believed her anyhow.