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Mad Poster
Original Poster
#1 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 3:48 AM
Default Still getting over Vincent...
Well after about the course of the year so far, Vincent broke up with me.

He was my first relationship, who had to hide his boyfriend status from the church my parents go to under the guise of him saying he was my godfather.

We met at the very beginning of 2015, watching the sunrise and he resembled Julian Sands with long hair.

We had to hide our love from church members with an excuse about as dumb as calling a lesbian couple cousins by saying he was my godfather.

We took a break and came back some time later, but it wasn't meant to be. He chose to put work ahead of us.

It's been a few days since he broke up with me.

I have an insane fear of heartbreak. I hate the feeling of being burned by love's fires. Realizing the fear made my birthday party a panic attack.

How do you get over an ex?

I should be the only one to shine,
I am the Golden Queen of Shadow Galactica
(Translation of a line from image song Golden Queen Galaxia)
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#2 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 4:15 AM
I went through that same thing. First relationship. Did a lot of things in an attempt to keep him off my mind - played video games, watched lots of comedy on TV, listened to music while coloring - but, of course, I would find my mind wandering back him. I want to say that you should probably give it time, but I don't know if you'd like that advice. I would give better, but I'm terrible with that.

Life is paradoxically coincidental to the ironical tyranny applicable to the unparalleled definition of reverse entropy.

"A thunderstorm breaks the wall of darkness." - Lyrics to Storm

"Meh." - me
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#3 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 5:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graveyard Snowflake
I went through that same thing. First relationship. Did a lot of things in an attempt to keep him off my mind - played video games, watched lots of comedy on TV, listened to music while coloring - but, of course, I would find my mind wandering back him. I want to say that you should probably give it time, but I don't know if you'd like that advice. I would give better, but I'm terrible with that.


I'm gonna have to give it time. It's all I have right now.

I should be the only one to shine,
I am the Golden Queen of Shadow Galactica
(Translation of a line from image song Golden Queen Galaxia)
Top Secret Researcher
#4 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 8:12 AM
I believe you're right, Pan (and Snowflake), about giving it time. You're grieving a loss, and it has to run the course that grief runs. As you wouldn't "get over" a loved one who has died, I doubt you'll "get over" Vincent or the relationship -- but you'll hurt less.
Mad Poster
#5 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 8:23 AM
Break ups can be devastating, bringing about a major life change. You will need time to grieve. This wiki article is rather spot on for describing some of the feelings people experience after a break up and has some good, basic advice on how to handle it. I also like the positive spin in this article.

Break ups bring about a world of hurtful and negative feelings, feelings that often get reflected on the self. Thinking about what you might gain from your new status as a single and celebrating yourself can mitigate some of those feelings. Often, in relationships, people give up things and make many little adjustments in order to accommodate their partner. Think about what can change, what freedoms you've gained with your new status. This can be empowering. For some people, it can mean they can cook foods they stopped cooking to accommodate their ex's diet. For some it means they can wear colors or styles their ex did not like or go to movies that their ex would never consider. For some it can mean they can now get that dog that the ex was allergic to or didn't approve off. Mostly, there's a gain of time allowing for the renewal of old friendships, the pursuit of new ones, or time to devote to art or hobbies. This is your time to focus on you, to re-evaluate yourself and what's important to you.
Mad Poster
#6 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 1:14 PM
I remember my first break up, I cried for 2 straight days and then every night for weeks. It didn't help that we continued to best friends afterwards, I was still devastated over it a year later and we had only dated for 3 weeks (although we did date again, for less than a day).

Time and space really do help. You take an interest in doll making and food & drink, don't you? Maybe spend more time focusing on them and avoid seeing him for a while. Didn't you say he was a Doctor? It's really hard for Doctors to maintain relationships outside of work, I use to work at a hospital and the hours are super long and you never know when something is going to go wrong and then all hell brakes loose. I was only working there for a month for some work experience last year, yet my fiancé hated it. I was always gone by the time he woke up and hours late home every night. At least you know it's not your fault, I think that makes break ups a little easier because you don't go through a spiral of self-hate and questioning what you did wrong.

~Your friendly neighborhood ginge
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#7 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 2:36 PM
It wasn't exactly all my fault, but I get the feeling that I wasn't paying attention.

Been thinking about Alice Cooper. He can be witty and rather sociable when off stage. I fell for his charm August 25th, 2014. I am not the type to steal him from his wife, but an older gentleman is more my speed.

I have many talents. Cigarette rolling, drawing in cartooning, technical & fashion design and semi-realism; cooking & baking, writing music (don't ask for lyrics unless you want a parody of an existing song), dollhouse & doll making, writing, doing layout of The Sims 3 comics with a comic book maker...and sewing by hand little felt pouches.

I should be the only one to shine,
I am the Golden Queen of Shadow Galactica
(Translation of a line from image song Golden Queen Galaxia)
Mad Poster
#8 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 3:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PANDAQUEEN
Been thinking about Alice Cooper. He can be witty and rather sociable when off stage. I fell for his charm August 25th, 2014. I am not the type to steal him from his wife, but an older gentleman is more my speed.
Uh...if he's married, no, just no. Maybe an older gent later, but you need some time for just you right now. It takes time to process a loss like this. When people jump too quickly into the next thing, without taking the time to reflect and reassess who they are, what they want, and where they're going, they're not giving themselves the necessary tools to build a lasting relationship with another.
Mad Poster
#9 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 3:37 PM Last edited by simmer22 : 23rd Oct 2015 at 3:52 PM.
After my break-up, I was more angry and annoyed than sad (he broke up via E-mail when I was already feeling miserable due to lengthy sickness). I watched Doctor Who and ate lots of chocolate to 'get over it', but didn't have a crying session or anything like that. Then again, our relationship had been faltering for a while, so on some level I was okay with the breakup. We ended up being just friends or a short while, and kinda just broke off contact naurally after I moved away from his home town. While he was my first boyfriend, I can't remember having been head-over-heels in love. He simply turned out not to be the right one for me.

While I don't have any real experience in getting over some 'the one and only' guy, I'm pretty sure that if you just give it time, it will feel better. Particularly when you find someone else. There's almost a billion guys out there roughly your age, so there's plenty to choose from. Also, don't rush into a new relationship, but make sure you're over the worst phases with the old one - for your sake, and for the new guy's. And maybe not some older, famous person. That's almost bound to go wrong...

Maybe someone you can share at least one of your interests with? Depending on the interest, it can be nice to have something you can do together.
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#10 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 4:13 PM
I was only pointing out that I have more value from older gentlemen as we'd have a chance to talk out antiquities of years gone by.

In any case, I'm only thinking of when I'm ready to move on. For now, I have a busy day ahead of me to spend doing arts and crafts of various sorts. Writing, drawing, rolling, building and doing layout for comic books and PDF magazines.

I should be the only one to shine,
I am the Golden Queen of Shadow Galactica
(Translation of a line from image song Golden Queen Galaxia)
Top Secret Researcher
#11 Old 23rd Oct 2015 at 4:56 PM
Exactly a month ago today (september 23rd) me and my first boyfriend broke up even though it should have been a easy breakup due to the circumstances I still found it quite hard at times because I also lost my best, best friend I've ever had which I have found more emotionally painful than the break up itself. We are still friends but we don't really talk any more.

I'm quite upset that I don't have anyone to hangout with out of school anymore because my friends don't seem to want to meet up out of school. He was the only one who would meet up with me out of school but now I'm always lonely because no one wants anything to do with me out of school. Due to this I find myself breaking down into tears nearly everyday and on Monday I did something quite serious to myself which I shouldn't have done but still get urges to do it again, only 4 people know what i've done and I haven't told my parents about it because they'll react badly to it.

To try to get my mind off it I tend to concentrate on my school work more, think about my future and play games but memories keep flooding back at times and I still get moments where I can't get him off my mind

Life is like a rollercoaster. It has its ups and downs. But it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride
Cottage feedback- would be greatly appreciated
Simple Holiday House - great for parties and relaxation
Mad Poster
#12 Old 24th Oct 2015 at 3:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PANDAQUEEN
How do you get over an ex?

Honestly, I haven't gotten over my Ex fully yet. We were together to the course of almost 6 years. We were actually in the midst of making marriage plans. But then the last three months of us being together she started to change. She was relatively uninterested and had a poor attitude when being around me. Upon further snooping one found she was cheating one me with a druggie hipster.

Anyway, it was right before my birthday this year that we got into a huge fight and this one just called it quits. It pains me to think about what could have, but I know the only healthy thing to do is look at what we don't have. And that is fighting and deceit.

Hmm, this probably the most personal message one has posted here at MTS.

My Soundcloud, where I upload some things I make.
Top Secret Researcher
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24th Oct 2015 at 1:45 PM
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Mad Poster
#13 Old 24th Oct 2015 at 1:51 PM
It's different, though, when you've reached a point in a relationship where you realize it's doing you more harm than good. There's a lot less to get "over", although there's still plenty to process. And even when you want out, there's still a period of grieving, if only for the loss of dreams.

Ending my relationship with my ex was one of the healthiest things I ever did. And, like you, Nymphy, the best thing that came out of it was my child. But I still mourn because he formed the core of my family for years. And, even though things were bad, really bad, there were many things I appreciated that I no longer have. There was, even though the relationship did not work, an aspect of friendship that I miss.

Sometimes, and I'm sure I've said this before, we're lucky enough to see how we dodged a bullet by having a relationship end. Most of the time, though, we don't realize it and so we go on mourning.
Top Secret Researcher
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24th Oct 2015 at 2:02 PM Last edited by Nymphetamine : 24th Oct 2015 at 4:28 PM. Reason: stupid small key pad.
This message has been deleted by Nymphetamine.
Mad Poster
#14 Old 24th Oct 2015 at 2:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nymphetamine
That's pretty accurate, Ver. I'm probably just still really angry, and therefore cannot even mourn the fact that it was seven years, and not all bad. There were some times where he could be extremely charming. But I'm focused in on the negative of it all, perhaps to make myself feel better about it. I Sorry, noticed this was turning into a slight vent on my part
I think Panda's dilemma is something most of us have experienced, so I don't think it's bad that you've added your perspective and experiences to it. Yeah, I was consumed with anger and fear for a long time too. It takes a while to sort out feelings.
Top Secret Researcher
#15 Old 25th Oct 2015 at 1:20 PM
Hey PANDAQUEEN, hope you are feeling better. I was reading over the 'what did you dream last night' thread and found your reply to when I was going through a break up last month, you might find it helpful taking some of your own advice as well (sorry if it's not helpful):

Quote:
Originally Posted by PANDAQUEEN
~brings chocolate~
coolsim22, it's not the end of the world if your heart breaks, so don't get angry.

Heartbreak should be handled like the grieving process: once you get over it, decide if you're ready to let love find you.


also sorry I never replied, thanks for the chocolate it was really nice *makes you a delicious cup of hot chocolate*.

Life is like a rollercoaster. It has its ups and downs. But it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride
Cottage feedback- would be greatly appreciated
Simple Holiday House - great for parties and relaxation
Mad Poster
#16 Old 27th Oct 2015 at 5:11 PM
And while I cannot be as forthright as HarVee (el al), I agree that even a "good" ending hurts. Sometimes the only positive thing is the END to the bad things, but it's great if you come away from it with something positive.

Namaste... or "go"
Instructor
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27th Oct 2015 at 10:58 PM
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Mad Poster
Original Poster
#17 Old 28th Oct 2015 at 12:10 AM
I did go out for some chocolate and to clarify, it was his neglect to make our relationship last as he chose work over me.

If I ever meet my dream man, I hope he has a sense of humor and do the sociable interactions for me.

I should be the only one to shine,
I am the Golden Queen of Shadow Galactica
(Translation of a line from image song Golden Queen Galaxia)
 
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